Loki's Strays
by Ketsui Meraki
Summary: "Thor, you will bring no strays into this abode," Odin had sternly told Thor. So of course, Loki, being the little shit he is, brought in a bunch anyway. Here are some of their tales. (Also, why aren't Hela and Fenrir in the character tags yet?)
1. Svadilfari & Sleipnir

_**I LIVEEEEE!**_

 _ ***throws a story at you and runs away***_

 _Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue._

 _Keep in mind that Loki's pretty young in this chapter, so his personality hasn't quite developed into the mischievous prankster everyone knows him as._

* * *

Sometimes, Odin loved his wife. Other times, he wasn't quite so sure.

Mostly when she refused to help him with his problems.

Particularly of the Loki kind.

Usually, all she would say was, "Darling, you know I love you, but really, he's more your child than mine, considering you're the one who brought him into this world. If you have a problem with what he's doing, then you should deal with it yourself."

Odin suspected this was a plot to make him spend more time with his children, but if he complained, Frigga would merely arch an unimpressed eyebrow and say, "Oh? So you _don't_ want to spend time with your children?"

And what was he to say to that? And thus, inevitably, he ended up having to deal with Loki-related problems by himself. Most of the time, it wasn't too troublesome to deal with, but then, well, Loki started bringing in strays, even after he had already forbid Thor from it: random cats and dogs and birds and frogs and spiders he found while adventuring with his friends. And when Odin went to Frigga about it, she merely smiled serenely and said, "Oh my, he's becoming so much like you. Going out and picking up cute, adorable little things to bring home without even consulting with his wife – ops, I mean parents."

Odin suspected that despite her love of Loki, Frigga was still salty about him making such a major decision like raising another child without consulting her first. Thus, like any brave warrior who had sensed a foe that they could not defeat, he had made a tactical retreat.

But okay, while he could sneakily get rid of animals, he wasn't quite sure what to do about this.

"Father, this is Svadilfari! We worked on a project together in our studies, and we thought it would be cool if we genetically modified a horse to become the fastest horse in history and gift him to you. We named the horse Sleipnir. I hope you like it," a young Loki said shyly, clutching the hand of his friend. Svadilfari smiled reassuringly at Loki, and then Loki blushed.

Odin internally whimpered. There were so many things wrong with this scene he didn't know where to start. Ignoring the… horse for the moment, Loki had a _crush._ That was terrible. Loki was a delicate soul, and who knew what sort of character this Svadilfari person was? Judging by that fact he came up with the idea for an eight legged horse, he had to be a terrible person. Not to mention that terrible haircut, those ear piercings, those ridiculous clothes and – was that a tattoo Odin saw on his shoulder? Okay, that settled it, this Svadilfari was a terrible person. How had he made Loki fall in love with him? He would probably break Loki's heart. Oh god, what if he took advantage of Loki?! This couldn't be happening yet, Odin's heart wasn't ready for this!

And then there was the horse. It looked absolutely ridiculous, wobbling there with its eight legs. It looked stupid, and it would make Odin look stupid if he sat on it too. Odin was never going to sit on that.

The man stayed silent for a bit, wondering how to handle this situation.

Loki, however, didn't take to the silence well. His smile fell, his lower lip wobbled, and his eyes became suspiciously shiny. He asked, "You don't like him, Father?"

 _Shit, he's going to cry,_ Odin realized. He could just imagine Frigga's disapproving remark, "First you basically kidnap a child, and then you make him cry? For shame, Odin. Why did I marry you again?" Quickly, to avoid that result he reassured Loki, "Oh I love it. Him. The horse. Sleipnir, I mean."

"Really?" Loki asked hopefully.

"Yes, it must have been an amazing piece of spellwork. I love it," Odin said, lying unabashedly.

"In fact, he loves it so much that he's decided to make it his personal war horse," said a voice.

Odin stiffened, and gave Freyr the stinkeye. Hadn't that brat gotten over the fact that he'd married his cousin yet? There was no way he was riding that horse anywhere.

"What, really?" Loki asked with big, excited eyes, and Odin felt himself falter under the gaze. It was probably a good thing he stole Loki away from the Frost Giants, he mused, because that gaze was a weapon, damn it. With horror, he noticed that he was nodding and quickly jerked to a stop, but the damage was done.

Loki beamed further and looked at him with adoration. "That's great! Thank you so much, Father."

Well, Odin could probably get away with just pretending to use the horse, right? He didn't actually have to do it.

"I'll go tell mother all about this!" Loki yelled joyfully, dragging Svadilfari along as he left the room.

Shit. If Frigga knew, he would have to use the horse. He glared at Freyr.

"What?" the man asked innocently. "You agreed to it. Besides, you can retire the horse after a while, right?"

Freyr did have a point. Anyway, he was probably intimidating enough that he could make the horse look intimidating too, right? His intimidation affect had to be contagious right? Or else he'd just have to kill everyone who saw him riding the damn thing. Yes, that sounded like a good idea.

That still didn't solve the problem of Svadilfari, though. Only one thing to do: seek Frigga's advice and hope that she was feeling merciful enough to impart some.

Long story short, she wasn't. All she said was this, "I rather think they make a cute couple. I wouldn't even mind if they went official as a couple. Ah, if only Thor was as swift as his brother in getting a partner. I do so long for grandchildren."

So Odin was down an ally, but fear not, he wasn't the king of Asgard for nothing. Recalling that Loki had mentioned he was going to school with Svadilfari, he spoke with the Headmaster and had the boy transferred far, far away, in some remote school in Vanaheim. Now, the only thing left to do was to erase the traces of Svadilfari boy from the castle. The boy had stayed here with Loki for a few days, but no worries, after a cleansing ritual, all would be well again.

There, that solved one problem. Odin nodded in satisfaction as he walked through the halls. Suddenly he heard the voices of his sons.

"-so stupid! I'm so mad that Svadilfari is gone, Thor! He was stupid, yeah, but he knew a lot of obscure magic and a lot of the advanced magic since he's in a higher class than me, and as long I smiled prettily at him and complimented him every now and then, he'd teach me anything."

Odin blinked. What.

"Did he teach you how to fight?" came Thor's voice.

"Of course not. He didn't even exercise that often, you know! If he tried anything, I could've beaten him up easily, since I fight with you all the time."

"If he didn't know how to fight, he's stupid. You're better off without him."

"I know, but I'm still gonna miss my source of advanced magic."

 _What,_ Odin thought. Loki had been the one taking advantage of Svadilfari, not the other way around? His delicate, cute, mostly well behaved Loki? Impossible.

 _I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that,_ he decided, somewhat disturbed.

* * *

 _This story will roughly have three to four chapters. I aim to finish it within a month, but I make no promises. This chapter was half written on my desktop for a while, so I decided to finish it and publish it. I'll edit and clean it up after it's done._

 _So a part of the fandom has the tendency to see the Odin-Loki relationship in a negative light, and I have that tendency as well. I used to write Odin's parenting as stupidly inept and terrible. But this time, I wanted to write Odin's parenting as hilariously inept and terrible instead, and thus this story was born._

 _****So I've been absent from the Thor/Avengers fandom for roughly three years I think, so I have no clue whether this has already been done or not. If you feel like it has, leave a link to the story in a review or PM and I'll check it out after I finish this story. If I feel like it's too similar to my story, I'll probably delete mine. If not, I'll let it stay.****_

 _I won't ruin this story with gloomy stuff, if you're interested in knowing why I was absent for so long, just check my profile._

 _Will Thorsday be updated? I honestly don't know. I hope to update it, but it'll probably take a while._

 _Let me know if you spot any mistakes or anything._

 _thanks for reading,_

 _~ketsui meraki_


	2. Angrboda Arc: Fenrir

**Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.**

* * *

Odin covertly peeked into the training field to check in on his children.

"You must get in touch with your inner self! Find the fire inside your soul, and speak to the heart of magic. Breathe it in, and let it enthrall you, let it become you, and wield it like a writer flourishes their pen! Only then will you be able to truly be able to call yourself a magician!" a woman dramatically declared as she proceeded to make a mud angel while throwing cheerful yellow blossoms over herself.

Thor and Loki shared an incredulous look before with a grin, they dived into the mud. "Yes, Miss Angrboda!"

Blank faced, Odin turned around and quickly walked away. Nope, he wasn't dealing with this mess, and nobody could make him. Damn it, why did Frigga have to ask Freyr for help when Loki asked for a magic tutor?

Angroboda was a brilliant magician, but more than a bit touched in the head. Hey, but at least Frigga would have to help him this time, right?

…. Right?

The answer was, no, she would not help him. "Dear, if they're enjoying themselves, I don't quite see the problem. Shouldn't you be glad Thor's finally taken an interest in magic? If he isn't educated on it, he won't be able to wield Mjolnir. And Angrboda is highly recommended, love. Freyr referred her, you know."

 _But she's a crack pot,_ Odin wanted to protest. _And Freyr hates me._ But that would only make him sound like a petulant child, so he reluctantly held back his protests, determined not to let Freyr know that he'd gotten to Odin.

That resolve was quickly broken in a week. By then Thor had gotten bored of Angrboda's crazy talk and wandered off, so at least Odin didn't have to deal with two of them.

"Friggggaaa!" was what he would have wailed if he were the type for emotional outbursts. But he wasn't so instead he said stonily, "Frigga. It's shedding. And salivating. All. Over. The. Palace."

"What was that, dear? I couldn't hear you over the sound of me leaving for a month long vacation at my parents' house. Where coincidently, no animals are allowed due to my mother's allergies, so poor Loki simply can't come with me. Bye, dear, and take care!"

With that, Frigga quickly absconded, abandoning Odin to his fate. Odin despaired, wondering how to escape this mess. Why was dealing with children so difficult?

Outside, he was quickly confronted by Loki's latest stray, or as Angrboda liked to put it, his 'spirit animal'.

"Father, do you want to play with me and Fenrir? We're playing fetch!" Loki said proudly, as he waved around a suspiciously large leg bone. Behind him, a large, seven feet tall wolf growled, baring its teeth.

Odin's brain short-circuited. "Where's the body?" he asked quickly. "Or did it eat it? Was there blood? Did you clean it up? Did anyone see?"

Loki tilted his head in puzzlement. "We got the bone from the kitchen, if that's what you're asking…"

"The kitchen?" Odin said sharply. Damn it, was he going to have to replace the kitchen staff? Good cooks were hard to come by.

"Yeah, Thor caught a boar, then they cooked it and have me the bones when I asked, so…"

Odin blinked. Hold on a second. "That's a boar leg?"

"Of course, Father. What else could it be?" Loki replied, baffled.

Fenrir, apparently getting bored with the conversation, started to lick the wall.

Relaxing, Odin realized he didn't need to cover up a murder. With a sigh, he said tiredly, "Control your… pet, Loki. What have I told you about strays?" He would do it himself, but unfortunately the stupid wolf listened only to Loki and tried biting anyone else who tried.

"Fenrir's not a stray Father, he's my spirit animal," Loki said reproachfully before turning to handle the wolf. It was pointless though. Once Loki turned his back, the mutt would go back to licking and slobbering over everything.

Angrboda, the crazy woman, chose that moment to appear out of nowhere. "I see you're bonding with your spirit animal, Prince Loki. That is good. Continue to do so, and you shall finally be able to open yourself up to forces of magic wishing to be one with you!"

Odin had a hard time hearing Loki's reply though, because he was too busy staring the witch's terrible fashion sense. Vivid, clashing colors, bangles up to her shoulder, bare feet, fritzy hair dyed in rainbow with a literal bird's nest in there – was there no end to her madness?!

Fortunately, she was soon gone once more, but unfortunately, that left him alone with Loki and his mutt.

"So, Father, do you want to play?" Loki asked eagerly. Odin eyed the wolf with no small amount of trepidation, imagining himself with droll all over, and shuddered.

"You know what Loki," he said at last. "I'm a bit too busy right now, but I do believe Uncle Freyr's not. I'm sure he'd _love_ to play."

Loki brightened. "Really? Thanks, Father!" With that, he bounded off to unknowingly torture Freyr.

Odin exhaled. Now, he only needed to come up with a way get rid of that stupid mutt.

Thankfully, the opportunity presented itself soon enough. While taking a stroll through the training fields in an attempt to clear his head and brainstorm, he came upon an unusual sight. Tyr, a rather trustworthy warrior, was swinging around Loki's overgrown mutt. Which wouldn't be too unusual a sight – Tyr was rather strong, and often swung around conveniently placed nearby animals just for the heck of it – expect for how the mutt was biting down on Tyr's metal hand like it was the tastiest bone it had ever encountered. Odin had no idea why. Tyr had gotten it from the dwarves after losing his hand in the fight against the Jotuns, so perhaps the mutt liked Dwarven metal?

"Tyr," he greeted.

Tyr paused, causing the wolf to crash to the ground, but it recovered quickly without ever letting go of Tyr's arm. "Allfather," Tyr replied, blank faced. "Can I get rid of it?"

"Loki will be upset," Odin remarked, casting his gaze around to search for his youngest. Nowhere near, thank the Norns. Meanwhile, the wolf happily gnawed away on Tyr's arm – its tail even wagged happily.

"I'm getting rid of it," Tyr announced, deciding that he could take the wrath of the miniature trickster.

"Officially, you do _not_ have my blessing, and I never heard you say that," Odin said, smiling grimly. "Unofficially, you'll get first pick of elvish alcohol when the shipment comes in because of this."

They shared a solemn nod, then parted ways. It was good indeed to have comrades-in-arms, Odin thought, nodding in satisfaction.

Loki was, however, expectantly distraught over Fenrir going 'missing'. Though perhaps a bit _too_ distraught. "Father!" he had burst into tears as soon as he saw Odin, sniffling and blubbering as he brokenly explained how he had only been distracted by the glowing Flitterfly Butterfly for just a moment, _honest,_ but as soon as he turned – alas! Fenrir was nowhere to be found.

Odin was just relieved Frigga was still in Vanaheim.

"It's all right, Loki," he soothed. "Faffy was a wild wolf, you know–"

"His name's Fenrir!" Loki wailed, waterworks at maximum effect.

"Yes, _Fenrir,_ was a wild wolf, and must have yearned to return to the forest of his youth. Don't worry, I'm sure he's happy wherever he is," Odin comforted.

Loki hiccupped, but stopped crying. "You r-really mean it, F-father? Fenrir i-is h-happy?"

"Of course," Odin said softly.

At that moment, Thor chose to burst into the room. "Father, Father, guess what?! I was in the forest hunting with Hogun, right, and we came across this reallyyy big wolf which tried to either eat me or violently hug me, so I sliced it like KAPAW! And Hogun went KABAM with his frying pan! And then TADAA! We killed it, Father! Isn't that the most awesomest thing you've heard since beating up Jotuns?!" Thor blabbered on excitedly. He then paused, taking note of Loki's wide, terrified eyes. "Oh hi little brother. Aren't you happy to see me?"

Loki burst into tears once more. Odin looked disapprovingly at Thor, who blinked, "Is this a bad time? Has Loki's time of the month started? Fandral said Loki's enough of a girl sometimes to have times of month. He told me aaallllll about it. I should bring chocolate and ice cream, right?"

Loki cried harder. "If Fenrir's not dead already, he'll be killed soon enough! I should have never let him out of my sight!"

Thor stared. "The wolf we killed was white though? It wasn't… Fenrir."

"That doesn't matter!" Loki wailed. "Fenrir's out there alone and scared and lost and helpless about to be killed and torn to shreds by all the savage, vicious, cruel, cold-hearted predators out there and it's all my fault!"

He almost wished Frigga was back now. How in the Nine Realms did she calm Loki so quickly?

"I'm… just gonna go get the chocolate now. Fandral says people get impancakeable otherwise," Thor said wisely.

"Implacable, you mean," Odin corrected.

"Yeah, that," Thor nodded, then trotted off, leaving Odin alone with Loki once more. Odin would have ordered Thor to stay and fix the mess he made, but knowing Thor, he would only accidently distress Loki further.

"Loki," said a voice regally she swept in. Odin looked up to see Angrboda, whose appearance was, as usual, a flamboyant walking fashion disaster. Today, she had decided on a neon pink body suit covered gratuitously with feather of every color in a haphazard manner. Nonetheless, she was at the moment his savior.

Odin ordered, "Calm him," and then quickly placed Loki into Angrboda's arms. He then absconded without a further thought, relieved that he no longer had to deal with a crying child. There were simply some things even a king could not deal with.

However, had he known just what it would have led to, he would have thought twice before leaving Loki alone with Angrboda.

* * *

 _If I get reviews, I'll be motivated to update within 48 hours? I aim to update within a week regardless, though._

 _...Seriously though, that's probably the first time I've got that many favorites and follows without a single review. The fandom's quieter these days, I guess?_

 _Hope you liked it if you read it though, and let me know if you spot any mistakes. Now I'm off to watch Ragnarok ^_^_

 _~ketsui meraki_


	3. Angrboda Arc: Jormungandr

**Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.**

 _Short chapter, but quick update. Next one will probably be longer._

* * *

He, Odin decided, was going to personally throw Angrboda down to the depths of Niflheim. As if that mangy mutt hadn't been enough, she had the gall to tell Loki that 'Oh, perhaps Fenrir was never intended to be your spirit animal, child, so you must find another, more annoying one to get on the Allfather's nerves! MWAHAHAHA!' …Well, perhaps not exactly in those words, but that was what ended up happening at any rate.

Why did Loki have to be such a troublesome child? Why couldn't he just bring home dead animals, like Thor? Why did they have to be _alive?_ Where did such compassion come from? Certainly not from him. Odin had _never_ done anything like that, no matter what Frigga might say.

He sighed, and looked dourly at the twenty foot long snake currently playing with Loki. And if he had to bring animals home, why couldn't he bring home something more cute and cuddly?

….And Frigga was still in Vanaheim, so she wouldn't be any help here.

"Father, Father! Meet Jormungandr – he's my actual spirit animal," Loki said proudly while the snake wound around him until its head rested on Loki's shoulders.

"I see," Odin said stiffly, glaring at the snake. It gave him a disinterest glance, then closed its eyes as if Odin wasn't worth the attention. Odin bristled – the sheer outrage! Ignoring the Allfather, why, that could be considered a literal crime in some situations. A thought then caught at his mind. "You named it Jormungandr?"

"Yeah, isn't it such a cool name?" Loki asked excitedly.

"Very cool," Odin said with a poker face while making a note never to let Loki name his children alone. If Jormungandr had been an actual child, Odin hated to think about the experience the kid would've had growing up. Why it might have even grown resentful of Loki and tried to murder him or something for his horrible naming. Odin could at least call himself a better father than that; his kids were adorable and lovable and would never grow so melodramatic as to try to kill him.

Still, he drudgingly admitted that the snake was probably a better pet despite its size, if only because it couldn't swallow anyone. And Asgardians were hardy enough that they wouldn't be harmed too much by the poison, and could easily break out of the hold if the snake tried to squeeze them to death.

….Like it was currently doing to him. While Odin appreciated the attention, he really did, if that snake didn't stop in the next ten seconds, he was going to rip it shreds. He told Loki as such.

"Father!" Loki gasped, scandalized. "You're going to hurt Jormundangr's feelings, he only wanted to hug you. How can you reject his love like that? C'mon, Jormungandr, let's stay away from this grumpy old man."

Which was perfectly fine with Odin. He needed to bid his time and plot how get rid of Angrboda and the snake anyway. Though since it was better than the wolf, he supposed he could stand to put up with it for a bit longer.

The residents of the palace disagreed however. No one was really afraid of the snake – since it was of course Asgard, where paperwork was consider a far scarier subject than something easy to deal with like a dragon – but it was honestly so irritating. What would happen instead was–

"Allfather!" A messenger crashed dramatically through the doors, cartwheeling remarkably through the air before dropping into a kneel before Odin's desk.

Odin would have even found it impressive if he hadn't seen it a hundred times already. Ever since Loki had taken it upon himself to teach the messengers ways to keep themselves entertained on the job, theatrics like the one that had just occurred became a whole lot more common.

The messenger continued, gesturing wildly with his arms and making melodramatic poses, "Alas! Yet another of our brethren has fallen prey to the wily ways of the mischievous serpent. It is a furtive, ferocious foe which strikes when one least expects it. No fragile object is safe and sound in thine arms when it lurks in the halls, for it shall, with a hint of doubt, ascertain that one shall no longer know up from down! It is, the one and only, the world serpent, the twisty trickster, the venomous viper, Jormungandr!"

Odin stared flatly at the messenger, unimpressed. Had Loki had to also give the messengers theater lessons? "Who tripped this time?" he asked, resigned that once more, his plotting would get nowhere because someone tripped, dropped something important, and now wanted restitution. How was he supposed to get anything done at this rate?

…Hm. Maybe he could ask Tyr for help once more. Tyr had helped out with Fenrir, hadn't he? And it would help him hide from all those messengers who really should become thespians instead.

Thinking such, he went out after dealing with the latest problem and then cheerfully knocked on the door of Tyr's house.

"Coming!" came a muffled shout from inside. Then… was that a growl and a crash Odin heard? A rough groan soon followed.

 _Oh dear,_ Odin thought. It was rather late at night, wasn't it? If Tyr was, ahem, otherwise occupied, perhaps it would be best for him to leave. Was that shout even for him? _Probably not,_ he decided, greening. Yes, he should leave–

The door opened with a click before Odin could turn and both people on either side of the doorway rapidly paled.

"No!" Odin gasped, putting a hand to his heart.

"I can explain," Tyr desperately said, yet still futilely trying to block Odin's view.

"You – I trusted you," Odin accused, looking in betrayal at Tyr, who hung his head with shame.

"It's just – he was just too _cute,"_ Tyr confessed.

"He? Cute?" Odin said faintly, eyeing the… monstrosity behind Tyr.

Tyr nodded, and absent-mindedly patted Fenrir behind him.

"I trusted you to get rid of it, not adopt it," Odin said flatly. "Forget elvish alcohol, you're not even getting any mead this month."

"No!" Tyr gasped, and collapsed to his knees in despair.

Odin shook his head, and turned around. He supposed he was going to have to find another way to get rid of both of these now. It was time to pull his trump card.

"Heimdall," he said solemnly. "I have a task for you."

Couple hours later, Loki once more came to him. This time however, there were no tears in his eyes, and in fact, his eyes seemed to burn with an inner fire. Odin began to have a very bad feeling.

"Father," Loki said pensively. "I have come to a realization. Fenrir ran away, and Jormungandr leapt off the Bifrost to swim in the waters between the worlds."

 _Yes!_ Odin cheered internally. He knew Heimdall could do it. Mindful of his audience however, he didn't let Loki see his thoughts.

"Thus, I realized that I wasn't meant to have a spirit animal," Loki continued.

 _Yes! YESYESYES!_ Inwardly, Odin started celebrating in his mind, and decided he was going to have to declare a feast for this. Outwardly, he merely stared passively at Loki.

"However, that does not mean I can't have a spirit!" Loki declared dramatically. "So now I'm going to go on a journey to find a spirit person. See you later, father!"

 _What,_ Odin thought blankly. Spirit person? Where did Loki even come up with these ideas?

"Loki, no," was what he wanted to say, but Loki had already bolted, probably guessing correctly Odin wasn't likely to let him just go off on some journey. Odin sighed, and thought sourly, _Damn it all to Hel and back._

* * *

 _I've just had a no good very bad day which ended with with the adorable stuffed cat I had just bought getting ripped by my cousin. Review and make me feel better, please?_


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